9 steps for reducing conflict

by Henk Botha  FIAC  B.IUR.  LL.B
© 2000 Bellstone Training (International) Limited
You may not reproduce this report in any way without the written permission of

Bellstone Training (International) Limited, 40 Craven Street, Charing Cross, LONDON WC2N 5NG, England

Step 1: Communicate precisely.

Precise communication refers to the content of a message, the tone of voice and body language. Here are some guidelines:

• Use plain English and short sentences.
  

• Always ask yourself, “What does this clause really mean?” Write down the answer in your contracts. To agree to something, you must understand it. Only lawyers benefit from vague wording.
  
• Describe everything in precise terms. Even the simple brick must have a precise description. You must describe its —

  • name of the brick
    

  • manufacturer
    
  • manufacturer's reference number for the brick
    
  • size
    
  • shape (number of sides, surface only or throughout)
    
  • color

• Avoid legal jargon, such as the following expressions:

  • “above referred”;
    
  • “herein”;
    
  • “pursuant to”;
    
  • “witnesseth”;
    
  • “aforesaid”;
    
  • “and/or”;
    
  • “provided that”;
    
  • “wherefore”,
    
  • “null and void”.

• Say precisely what you will do and what others must do.  

Step 2: Listen and read attentively. 

• Don't interrupt.
  

• Carefully look at a contract clause. Ask yourself, “What does it really mean?”
  
• If a contract clause has changed, ask, “What does the change really mean?”

Step 3: Allow time for thinking.

It  reduces the likelihood of serious conflict.

Step 4: Avoid lies, half-truths and vague statements. 

Credibility, once lost, can be impossible to repair.

Step 5: Emphasize the things you do agree.

These are the points of common ground. Use these agreements to solve disagreements.

Step 6: Avoid prejudice such as gender, race, and social standing.

Step 7: Control emotion. 

Step 8: Admit a mistake and apologize unconditionally.

Avoid apologizing and adding a “but . . .” qualifier.  

Step 9: Accept apologies by others.

Resist the urge to score points.